Sunday, October 9, 2011

Abortion Part II ... Speaking With Someone Who Chose Abortion

(Read AFTER Part I)
Below is a question/answer session with a woman who chose abortion, my sweet friend. She has given a voice in a way I could not. There is a poem she found online that she related to, and personalized it for her situation. I am not sure if it will have the same effect on someone who does not personally know and love one in her shoes as I do, but for me, I wept.
   This is connected with 2 other posts; I separated it because it is not written by me. Here are the words from a woman who has been through abortion ...

Could you identify with the young mother who killed her babies?  Yes, because many years ago I had also become pregnant out of wedlock, was ashamed and afraid and chose to end the lives of 2 precious children of God. 

How many years ago did you make this decision?  The first one was in 1993 (I was 19), second in 1996 (I was 22)

Why/what was your reason for choosing abortion?  I couldn't imagine telling my parents that I had become pregnant or enduring the judgment of others.

What have been the best and worst parts of this decision?  There is no best part.  The worst...I never got to hold my aborted babies...I suffered with substance abuse, fear of others, fear of being found out, fear that when I did marry and become pregnant, God would "get me" for what I had done years before.

How has this decision affected your life now?  Today I am healed, but I spent the majority of the 18 years since the first one living a in shame, living in fear of being found out, living in fear of God's judgment.  I battled substance abuse and spent years in abusive relationships because I felt I didn't deserve anything better.

How did the concept of abortion being an option get presented to you? Was it encouraged or suggested by a person? Society says it's ok....I didn't have anyone that I trusted enough to walk through the shame and guilt of being an unwed mother.  It wasn't necessarily encouraged or suggested, but it wasn't opposed either.

Did you tell anyone you were pregnant?  Yes, the fathers, a co-worker and my roommate in college.

How far along was the pregnancy? Both were in the first 8-12 wks.

Does anyone know about the abortion?  Yes, both of the fathers knew.  At the time my roommate in college and maybe one or two others.  Since my healing I have told more people, my sister, my husband and some trusted friends.

Do you ever wonder/think about the baby? How often? Yes, I do...especially when I hear of others doing the same thing.  I think of my babies in a different way a mother who has lost her children...not as a condemned murderous wretched person.  God has told me in his Word that I will be reunited with them one day.  Abortion is a sin, but it is a forgivable sin.  I have repented and been washed by the blood of Jesus Christ who died for our sins. 

Does it feel like your memory holds tighter to a time, memory/emotion or to the actual baby? The babies, whose names are Zach and Lily.  Choosing names for my children was part of my healing. The name Zachary means "The Lord Remembers" and Lily represents "innocence and beauty."

What have you done as a way to process this? I was directed to a Christian based Bible Study that was created for men and women who are suffering the after effects of abortion.  I have come to know Jesus Christ in a deeper and more meaningful way.  One verse that I hang on to is Romans 8:1 that says, "Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

Would you recommend for a woman to have an abortion? Why?  ABSOLUTELY NOT!  For one reason, God says not to.  The judgment of our "friends" and family doesn't hold a candle to the mental and physical torment/anguish that comes with choosing to abort one of God's creations.  Life begins at conception...period.  For anyone who has already gone through with an abortion, please get help.  There are many Christ-centered programs out there to help you find healing and forgiveness. 

What option do you see now that you did not see then?  I know this may sound strange, but there was no Internet when I made my I "Google" everything and I now know that there are places made especially for women/girls who find themselves in this predicament.  I would have done more research on the after effects of abortion.  There is a "Post-Abortion Syndrome" that carries with it many of the symptoms that I suffered from.  The Cumberland Crisis Pregnancy Center in Hendersonville has an INCREDIBLE facility that can offer hope and non-abortive solutions for women who become pregnant and don't know where to turn. 

There are so many families out there who are willing, ready and able to adopt, care for and love your baby.  Your family may be upset at first to learn that you have become pregnant, as I have seen with other women in my own family, but as soon as the baby is born, everything changes and the new life can bring the family together like nothing else can.  God makes this possible.  When you choose life as opposed to death, God will bless your choice.  Cry out to Him and He will make a way.

If you are able to successfully hide your pregnancy from your family, when it comes time for the babies to be born, there are Safe Haven Laws in every state where you can leave your newborn baby anonymously and questions asked.  Your baby will be placed with an adoptive family that will love and care for your child.  You will be giving them a gift that is beyond measure. 

Could you offer a solution to yourself?  Before choosing abortion, I would suggest having an ultrasound.  If that had been offered to me, I may have changed my makes it really hard to justify when you see an actual baby as opposed to what I was told, "it's just an embryo at this's not really a baby yet."  This is a LIE that so many women have been told and have believed in order to be able to go thru with it.  I know this is a lie because, by God's grace and mercy I got married to a wonderful man and became pregnant.  At 8 weeks I had an ultrasound and could hear my daughter's heartbeat and see her precious little body beginning to form.  When my daughter was 16 months old, we had a son.  This is proof to me of God's forgiveness and mercy. 

Processing through the grief to healing …

The Gifts

I received two gifts from a stranger,
Someone I did not know
I had heard his name before,
But his way, I would not go.

I did not think that they were gifts,
But rather terrible burdens
They said they were nothing I wanted,
Of this they were certain.

I was told it was something bad,
And more than I could bare
No one mentioned the gifts were precious,
It was as if they didn’t care.

I sent the gifts back to the stranger,
Where they came from up above
If only I had met him sooner,
I would have seen the gifts were made with love.

Instead I treated them like they were nothing,
I quickly sent them back.
They told me I did the right thing,
But they left out an important fact.

See the gifts were made just for me by the stranger,
And God was his name.
I had for years ignored him
Yet he loved me just the same.

He had created those precious gifts,
Each piece he made by hand to my surprise.
And yet I didn’t even see it,
My life was based on lies.

When I found out what the gifts contained,
And realized I had thrown them away
I believed I would always suffer,
And be punished everyday.

But to my disbelief, that stranger
Who I had ignored and turned away
Created two more gifts for me
And sent them each my way

I begged for his forgiveness,
I prayed and felt his love
I wondered what had become
of the first two gifts Sent from above.

I later learned the gifts would remain
With our loving God and then
I would meet my babies in heaven,
And receive the gifts again.

I have no fear that I will not know
Which gifts were meant for me
So many have been thrown away,
But mine I will surely see

For I have dreamed of my children
Whose eyes were big and bright
I will run right over to them,
And know them at first sight

I will say “Mommy loves you!”
I know that is how I’ll start
Then I will thank God for taking care of my babies
While we were so far apart

If I could just help one person,
See their gift contains such love
And that the life inside that little gift,
Came from God above

It would honor Zach and Lily,
Whose lives were lost to a lie
It would stop the suffering of another child
And a mother who would otherwise be too scared to try.

Zack and Lily’s Mother
originally written by Marni Fults

Thanks to my friend for sharing her heart, pain, love, truth, compassion, explanations and this beautiful poem. I have a new perspective on many things now …


1 comment:

  1. such beautiful poem. what a wonderful way to honor two beautiful souls.