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Welcome to an inspirational, short story blog by Kasi Maria Bryon, a pen name, pronounced, "Kay-see." This blog is different topics, but all about life ... through the eyes of a middle aged, single mom of two. Enjoy
Which is worse?
Losing a spouse to death or divorce?
similar to the answer-less one, “Which is
harder/easier … knowing death is coming or a sudden death.”
Knowing death is near gives everyone
the opportunity to say what needs to be said and do bucket lists. But, the
impending doom is constantly lurking like a heavy fog, the elephant in the
room, while everyone awaits the moment of the end … a stress beyond belief.
Sudden death steals last goodbyes, but there is no pre-death anxiety and no
helplessness as we sit back and witness a loved one suffer.
My end conclusion: Neither is
easier or harder, better or worse, and the pain remains the same at the end of
the day. There are pros and cons to both and we all could wish for the opposite
that we experience, but the truth is, the grass is not greener on the other
side when someone we love is taken. The grief is equal.
As far as death and divorce, it
is the same as the above concept, but there is a silent twist. Personally, I am
six years post-divorce and had forgotten all about this concept until
yesterday. I’m not sure what reminded me as I was driving, but I heard echoes
of my wordsto my dearest friend from seven years ago (as the marriage
ship was sinking) … and her perfect response to me. Having a best friend with a
degree in counseling comes in quite handy …
Typically, I write in present
time. Thoughts, feelings and happenings of the here and now in my little world.
It’s unfamiliar to write about something that is not a current situation, but
when prompted, I listen.
Loving independence and the start of a new year and loving the
manner in which society celebrates it are two different things. This holiday is
one of those things that makes me feel like I’m laughing at a joke simply
because everyone else is laughing, but I really don’t get it … I’m merely going
with the flow. I’ve tried going downtown with the rest of Nashville for the
well-known Riverfront firework show, and seem to be a minority as I close my
eyes and cover my ears while everyone else claps. Truthfully, I just see thousands
of dollars being blown up, mixed with my ears hearing and my mind envisioning a terrorist attack.
It’s kind of like how I
desperately want to be part of a fan club crowd. I tried watching Harry Potter
in hopes of getting hooked and speaking the Harry Potter lingo. That did not
work at all. I just didn’t get it … and since I am petrified of fireworks, I
don’t get that either. War scares me, and fireworks remind me of war.
I have recently
discovered a common thread among codependency, empathy and anxiety. I happen to
have all three characteristics (overachiever.) I’ve known about the anxiety for
many years, discovered that I am codependent about two years ago and was
informed on February 13 of this year that I am an empath.