Saturday, February 18, 2017

Raising Adults

I don't claim to be the "perfect" parent, but I see a problem in raising children. Personally, I am trying to raise adults… Not lifelong children.

My youngest daughter has decided to follow in my footsteps and also be a hairstylist. She is taking cosmetology in high school and also attending a university on Saturdays. It's the same university I attended over two decades ago… Which was an older, run down school at that time… And still is. Also, not in the best, upscale part of town, producing the type of clients one would expect. More ethnic hair, and people who don't have a lot of money. However, this is the University/beauty school I chose for her. She will learn more REAL life lessons there. The reason being: my girls have grown up in a salon, around MY clientele. I don't take new clients, and mine book one year out. Very nice group of people, but I have weeded out all of the difficult ones and it's not reality for starting out. My clients are not trying to get something for nothing, and in addition, they bring gifts… Not only to me, but to my children. I can see where anyone/my girls would easily be disillusioned that it's all roses, because that's all they've seen. I wanted my daughter to have the experience of the TRUE beginning. It is hard, and you have to put up with a lot before arriving to the place of a clientele such as mine.

The same instructor is at this beauty school… An older, simple man. Possibly, compared to the upscale beauty schools, he or his school may not seem quite as impressive at first glance. But, I disagree.
My daughter, who is like most her age, (experiencing only the best,) has struggled since attending this beauty school...Which is what I had hoped for. I want her to learn to start at the bottom… Not the top. ~~It may seem contradictory that I'm indirectly calling the top, the bottom. Illusions are everywhere. Some/many/most times, we learn more from the factory worker who has been a hardworking, dedicated employee since the business opened back-in-the-day, than from the outwardly impressive CEO who was born into the business, handed the title, has uncalloused hands, and half the age of the factory worker...

This is what I don't get about parenting now, as parents try to give their children the best when they start… Essentially robbing them of so much. Even more sadly, it teaches a sense of entitlement. Not to mention, the parents have to spend more of their own time, effort, and money, with no benefits. Starting off at the bottom leaves nowhere to go but up… But starting at the top leaves nowhere to go but down.... for everyone. Paying for everything for your children doesn't teach them the pride of being self made. Handouts are destructive.  Inadvertently, making what seemed and felt like "giving," actually resulting in "taking away." Teaching a person to work for and earn what they get is the best gift a parent can give a child.

My youngest daughter recently turned 18, and I have encouraged her to begin paying for her own gas and things like that, so she will be able to provide for herself. Also, she received an offer to pay for her beauty school. I told her I was indifferent to her decision regarding that, but I encouraged her to pay for it herself. This university doesn't cost as much, and she already has the funds… Allowing her to always say she put herself through school, giving her a more empowering feel about herself.

Back to her school, she just sent me a text today. The sweet, older instructor that others may not see in such an impressive light, had a birthday cake waiting for her today.

Her text to me was, "Mom, I could just cry right now. Look at this."
Also, this week when she bought and paid for her own gas. She said, "actually, that felt really good."

It is so worth it to make your own way and not be indebted to anyone. Raise adults… Not children.

*Update*: Since she has been at the school, she has told me that others are leaving early while she was left working, (I told her, "why would you aspire to be like that? Work hard and then you will be the one who has things while they are mooching off of others,") she has had a black lady not want her hair done by my daughter because she was white and felt she took too long… And just now, she text and said she's not in the mood to do anything tonight because she has now had a bad day dealing with a rude client.
Welcome to the real world, baby girl. You will thank me for this one day…💞😉

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