To view blog in full, click HOME tab.
Welcome to an inspirational, short story blog by Kasi Maria Bryon, a pen name, pronounced, "Kay-see." This blog is different topics, but all about life ... through the eyes of a middle aged, single mom of two. Enjoy
This is the longest poem I have ever written and will take about 7-8 minutes to read. I tried to just 'write' about this event in an attempt to document it, but for some reason I never liked the way it turned out. Last night, a flood of thoughts came to me and I sat down and wrote for about 2 hours. No idea why or how, but it came out in this poem form. It is written to my youngest daughter. She cried when she read it and really loved it... so to me, it has already served it's purpose, no matter what. But hopefully another may enjoy it, or some part of it. It is about my daughter getting saved.
for God to give me a second child,
Him again, I’d do my very best.
wish trying hard or having the right intention,
the grade and if I passed that test.
you feel you’ve had a good childhood,
I was a good mother to you.
me there are some things that could’ve been better,
things you possibly never knew.
I carry a
bit of regret and shame,
this time of your youth.
to say you had all your sister did,
wouldn’t be telling the truth.
book has empty spaces,
didn’t get as much one on one attention.
many things that weren’t the same as your sister,
to even mention.
I didn’t spend
as much time playing,
or reading nursery rhyme books.
nearly as many photos,
all of your changing little girl looks.
having another child,
were other things on my plate.
a business when you were one,
me gone at night too late.
business seemed like a blessing at the time,
many along the way.
it ended up costing me a lot,
nothing to show for it today.
It was costly in the sense of money,
dollar is that important to me.
expense that hit me hardest
time with my family.
I took on
too much responsibility at one time,
heart was in the right place.”
there are no points for that either,
end of this parenting race.
nine when I finally closed the doors,
me feeling like I missed eight years of your life.
the year earlier held the biggest change,
Mommy was no longer your Daddy’s wife.
the fact that I was preoccupied with working
of your elementary years,
I was not
always physically or emotionally available
console you or calm your fears.
if I was physically present,
be a million miles away.
sea in my own grief,
hold the worst of it at bay.
too young to understand,
honestly, I was too.
found a way to make it day to day,
best we could do.
process of this tsunami,
to keep that promise from years ago.
promised God if He would give you to me,
sure all about Him you would know.
promised to raise you as one of His,
you all of His glorious ways.
one of my worst and hardest times during the divorce
always happen on Sundays.
were little and we were a family of four,
was a common place we would go.
to a Sunday school class,
cute dress and matching bow.
learned and sang about Jesus,
off to a good start.
having a whole family to walk through those doors …
to rip out another chunk of my heart.
to the sadness and hurt,
church was more than I could take.
I knew it
then, and I know it now,
the worst decision I could make.
already robbed of the life you knew,
At such a
young and important age.
years I’ve felt the guilt of not taking you,
were in the early, developmental stage.
continued to say prayers with you,
night before you went to sleep.
known all this time, that wasn’t enough,
the echo of the promise I didn’t keep.
sister made the decision to follow God at a young age,
hoped you would do the same.
not, but there was a valid reason for this …
exposure was most likely to blame.
to think and worry,
people what I should do.
assured time and time again not to fret about it,
That is a
decision between God and you.
are fifteen and a total beauty,
I doubt a
person would disagree.
a light and energy to our world,
with a smile on your face; happy as can be.
your sister may say she had it harder,
was too strict when she was a teen.
about things I could not control,
safety, friends and everything in between.
trying not to make some of the same mistakes twice,
if it is something I can change or do another way.
you asked me to let your friend drive you to church,
everything within me, hesitantly saying, “Okay.”
never let you or your sister ride with friends.
solid Mommy rule.
closest I ever came to an exception,
letting your sister drive you to school.
me trying to control that which I cannot,
Anxiety and Fear.
I will learn I cannot always keep you safe,
now, it’s still not very clear.
I had to work late last Monday night.
there was a special event at church this week.
called The Crusade, which means:
teens, loud music, and different guests there to speak.
myself between a rock and a hard place,
decision had to be made.
stay home where I knew you were safe?
Or let a
child drive you to the church Crusade?
instinct came quickly and easily,
cannot ride with a child so young.”
something prompted me to think it through,
So I did
... and held my tongue.
you, my child, to do this,
surprise and yours as well.
because I put my trust in God,
quite the story to tell.
made it there and back safely,
was thinking, This is a little late.
It was a
few minutes after 9:30.
27, 2014 was the date.
your friend came to the door,
beaming like a light.
weren’t even all the way in before saying,
Taylor and I both got saved tonight.”
both went forward at church,
Jesus into your heart.
so empowered by your decision,
new life you will now start.
you both and congratulated you,
hugged you both again.
looking simultaneously young and mature,
adorned with a permanent grin.
you hold on tightly to these feelings,
them deep within your mind.
need this inner power in the coming years,
peace will be hard to find.
days life gets too hard to endure,
seems to be no end in sight.
to stand up, Baby Girl,
down for that fight.
turn to anything or anyone in your despair,
will be a tempting thing to do.
times you will learn the most in life,
there is only God and you.
never a place you can go to escape His love,
you, He will always be there.
with us through the good times and bad,
we are too broken to care.
will be people in your path,
God and Jesus are not real.
be compared to a make believe world,
nothing more than a feeling that you feel.
It may be
easy to believe this when bad things happen,
you to ask, How and why?
you’ll simply want a tangible person to talk to,
you when you cry.
less, be respectful of others and their beliefs,
you agree and understand them or not.
everyone’s understanding and approval is trivial,
understand more when God is all you’ve got.
at square one right now,
absolute best place to be.
doubt your faith later in life,
back to this archive in your memory.
you were fifteen …
your eyes and travel down memory lane.
this reservoir of faith and hope,
it to erase your doubt and pain.
the older and wiser we become,
it harder than it should be.
why Jesus tells us who are tainted by this world,
you become like children, heaven you’ll never see.”
for being the beacon of light,
these powerful words to me.
great to be reminded and refreshed,
my child’s unknowing, innocent ministry.
I hope I
will never forget the details of that night,