Pictures

Pictures are worth a thousand words, or more. Sometimes they are my greatest allies, yet others they seem like a cruel enemy. The frozen moments in time that were once happy and now, they are gone.

          I am in the de-cluttering process, and yesterday I dove into the storage room, the room holding countless pictures stored in boxes; Pictures from the past. They portrayed the days before I had GRAY HAIR, (previous post, ha!) the days when I was a wife and had a family of four. I looked through the happiest days of my life, wondering how and why they could not have matured. Granted, I have many great pictures of the here and now, but still, it hurt. Words cannot explain the evolution of change when one loses such a part of herself. Maybe that explains why those pictures are hidden in boxes. (And why there are not photographers at divorce ceremonies or funerals ...) 

          I looked at the married me and began to see my identity. Have I changed? Am I still the girl in those pictures? Yes and no. Somehow I could relate to her, and in other ways she had the look of a stranger. I cannot help but wonder who am I now?

          To embrace being single is a good thing, since that is who I am, but not to the point of closing out the possibility of being or having a companion. For me, I opened that door (wide open, I might add) one time about 3 years ago. It didn’t go so well. The experience added more pictures of blissful happiness that no longer exist. There is a huge part of me that doesn’t want any more hidden albums.

          Hopefully, in time, I will take the chance again … before I am in a skirted swimsuit. Maybe I should just stay away from cameras …

         

PICTURES

Thank you for holding captive

 The moments of my life.

The time when I was born, graduated

 And then became a wife.

The evolution of my tiny body growing

 When babies were inside,

The moments when I held my daughters

 And my heart filled with pride.

Thank you for capturing the innocence

Of my children when they were small.

The tangible evidence of their growth

That I might not have been able to recall.

I love to look back

And see how much they’ve grown.

I have physical proof

Of a love I had never known.

But Pictures, I must ask a question,

Or maybe it is a statement I say to you.

I admire brutal honesty

And that is something you certainly do.

It’s crazy how you capture the happy times …

Then one day they can make us sad.

How is it that what were the good times

Sometimes end up feeling bad?

I know a picture never lies,

And it tells more than words can say.

But the truth can hurt so bad,

When the happy moments have faded away.

So, my feelings for you are bittersweet.

And I have a request of you today.

From this point forward,
Please only freeze moments of memories that will stay.

Sounds impossible, I know … but it never hurts to ask.

Kasi